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Friday, April 23rd 2004

11:34 AM

Time Crime

Time Crime

 At a time when Hitler was pressing his power among every Jewish city, and every one who stood in his path and stood up for the Jewish people were killed, all hope definitely seemed lost. As the war was getting worse day by day a political confrontation broke out between the two Jewish leaders. Abodo, the present leader of the Jewish people, and Tomo, the former leader of the Jewish people. Tomo, the former leader of the Jewish people felt a sudden bitter hate for Abodo, the present leader which gave him the sudden passion to try and get Abodo to back down as leader and let him control the Jewish people once again.

Tomo, knowing Abodo as well as he does, knew that Abodo would not let him take over the Jewish people, even if it would mean facing death himself. Although Abodo would rather die then release power back into the hands of Tomo, it made Tomo think if there is anything Abodo loved more then the Jewish people themselves. Finally after analyzing Abodos life Tomo remembered seeing his son Vondo with Abodo every where Tomo went and realized that Abodo would not be willing to give up his sons life as easy as his own.

With that in mind Tomo planned out a way that he would pressure Abodo into giving up his spot as the rightful leader of the Jewish people to Tomo. Tomo would gather a group of terrorists and devise a plan to kidnap Vondo. While kidnapping Abodos son, Tomo plans on having a back up plan which would still able to get the terrorists out of the country. While Tomo is preparing the kidnapping the word gets out to NATO about what Tomo is planning on doing. As a super power, the xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comUnited States decides to assist NATO by sending a recon team lead by John Stevens.  John Stevens, a veteran recon specialist has to make critical decisions along the way and is asked to lead a young but talented S.W.A.T team to join up with other NATO forces and rescue Vondo and stop the nuclear weapons that Tomo has in his control.

John Stevens ends up entering the school and realizes that he is going to have to think fast if he is going rescue Vondo first or disarm the bomb and save the lives of thousands of citizens. Only time can stop him and his team from saving Vondo and the world.

16 Comment(s).

Posted by angela browder:

I like the setting but you didn't use any dialogue. Ms. Harden says we need more dialogue, other than that good job.
Friday, April 23rd 2004 @ 11:38 AM

Posted by Tammy:

This would make for an interesting story but without the dialogue and without explaining the decisions John Stevens must face then it sounds more like whats on the back of a book... No offense or anything to it though because it's really good it just doesn't go into as much depth.
Saturday, April 24th 2004 @ 3:31 PM

Posted by Nolan Owings:

your story line is good, the only thing that realy stood out to me was your tenses. i dont know if your speeking in the present or the past
Tuesday, April 27th 2004 @ 11:01 AM

Posted by Carla!:

Hey i can't really get into the whole war stuff but it sounds like it is going to be a good story even tho u need to put some dialog in it!
Tuesday, April 27th 2004 @ 11:14 AM

Posted by Angela Adams:

Some tense problems, and spelling. it comes back to the telling more than showing... put in some more action and such so that it reads like a novel instead of a summary.

The opening totally caught my attention, but only because I'm developing a bit of a fascination for the WWII era. Fascinating what hatred will drive people to do. It's a dangerous thing... you can unite people quickly and nudge them into action with a united hatred, but only love and kinship will keep them together...
Tuesday, April 27th 2004 @ 11:17 AM

Posted by Darren:

Hey dude, story starts off kinda slow but the story line is good. Need to get into the action quicker and insert some dialogue. I very much enjoy reading war stories. also a couple of places where you have then you need to replace it with than.
Tuesday, April 27th 2004 @ 11:43 AM

Posted by Megan:

I agree with everyone else's statements. Needs dialog, and some action, a point of view and some tense corrections. However, this is a great plot and I think you can really run with it.Oh yeah...whenever you use the three names together.. Tomo and those, it kinds of sounds like a Dr. Seus novel. Maybe make the names just a little more different? No offense! Just a thought.
Thursday, April 29th 2004 @ 11:19 AM

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so i hear you got into a fight are you going to write about it in a poem?
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